CHERYL

Hey guys! How long has it been? Not sure if anyone still reads this blog but I'm just popping in with my 2019 blog post.

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Here's to the end of another decade.

And so here I am, writing my slightly overdue cliche-end-of-the-year-reflections. I'm not one who's into cliché stuff and the only reason why I'm doing this is because, well I feel like I want to. To celebrate the good and bad, move on from the bad and of course, be able to look back on this one day (most likely checking in on the last day of the new year) and see how different this new year would be. I spent New Year's Eve lying on my bed alone watching Netflix last night. No frills, no party, no gatherings, no celebrations. Yet it was refreshing, and rejuvenating even. The new year means nothing to me, and it's just another day on the calendar. But it always reminds me to take some time off to review my life - to reflect, bid goodbye to the past, and to welcome the new.

I wonder if this would sound weird but in some sense I feel like I can't recall some (or most) of the things that happened this year, especially the in-betweens. So pardon me if this whole post sounds anomalous, I'm trying my best to recall. *nervous laughter*

2019. I'd like to think that it has been a good run, to say the least. I think most of my vision has been blurred out because I've spent the last two months just having the best time of the year. It feels like I'm drunk and have been, but it's a good kind of high I must admit - living a real life without Uni, chilling around with friends, eating copious amounts of food, road tripping, vlogging, graduating, having my family over in Tassie with me, and so much more. (And no, I still don't drink.) The last two months of the year was unexpectedly good, and on some days it all still feels like a dream - especially the week when my family was here. They made me feel like I was at home again, even when our home was more than four thousand miles away. It felt surreal having them here because I've spent almost four years here by myself, only seeing them when I'm back home during school breaks; which happens only twice a year. Plus, it was the first time seeing them again after nine whole months!

Then again, all these don't overwrite all the downs I've had this year. There were plenty of them. In fact, I went through one of the lowest points in my life. I lost, failed, fell, hurt and cried way too many times. I guess I could say it was one of the toughest years I've had, but it was also one of the best years at the same time. I suppose there isn't really such a thing like the "best year" or a good one because good and bad things are bound to happen within a given period, and so I've learned to accept every year as it comes.

In 2019, I:

• Celebrated my first Valentines (or should I say, first proper celebration hahaha).
• Watched More Than Blue (aka 比悲伤更悲伤的故事) in the cinema and cried buckets of tears.
• Brought a lost puppy home for the first time, and regretted it (because he peed and shitted all over in my balcony and I had to clean it up the next morning, drunk on only 3 hours of sleep).
• Lost my closest and dearest grandpa.
• Hit the gym consistently, and later on joined F45 for a couple of months.
• Started running again for a short period of time (and clocking in long distance for the first time in my life! Ran my first 10K on the treadmill, and it was an accomplishment because I've always hated running.)
• Started taking care of my health and loving myself more.
• Learned Japanese (I had to because it was an elective, but I didn't enjoy learning it..)
• Had a first friend-trip to Sydney in June! It was my second visit in Sydney.
• Had my first internship at S. Group, and I loved the company! Learned heaps too.
• Broke up with someone I loved.
• Started journaling as a means to cope and destress, and it did help me for a while.
• Joined my first and last ever architecture competition in school.
• Did my first ever portfolio in my life. I had so much fun designing it and putting all my past works/projects together in a book.
• FINALLY GRADUATED FROM UNI!
• Made more friends and got close to some.
• ATE a lot. Oops.

Now, to the highlights and my favourite moments of the year:

• A date at P.S cafe and iLight at Marina Bay
• Joining F45! Made friends with the trainers, and I loved all the classes.
• Visiting more places in Sydney! The best food I've had in Sydney was the acai bowl at Hale and Hearty.
• Uni graduation! God knows how long I've waited for this.
• Family's visit to Tasmania. A trip I'll always remember.
• All the times I spent with my family and my friends. Facetime calls y'all.
• Meeting new people, and forging new friendships. All the h2h sessions I've had with my friends, and all the impromptu road trips and fun nights we shared.

And things I am grateful for:

• All the good food and coffee I've had this year. Be it cafe brunches, or trying out new restaurants. Favourite restaurant in Launnie would be Rupert and Hound!
• Sweetbrew's citrusy, lemony pancakes. (I know Cuccina's pancakes made it to the list in 2018, thus it will be different this year.)
• Books. I think I bought the most number of books this year, even though I barely had the time to read them. The White Book, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down and The Lover's Dictionary would make it to the top list this year.
• Voice of China 2019. So happy with the new team of judges in the new season, although I feel like I enjoyed 2018's batch of singers/contestants more.
• Freaking NETFLIX, and dramas. 2019 was probably the year that I watched the most number of dramas - I think I watched a total of more than 20 dramas. Perhaps even 30. I loved most of it, and my favourites would definitely be: The Last Empress, Romance is a bonus book, Vagabond, One Spring Night, Eternal Love, Doctor John and The Light In Your Eyes. Of course there were a lot more good ones but I think those I have listed are the ones I enjoyed most. I also loved the series YOU and also the variety show Busted on Netflix (Thanks to Busted, I laughed so much more.)
• Youtube. I always like to switch between Youtube and Netflix when I want to watch something on my iMac because I'm THAT easily bored. Hahaha. Favourite Youtubers would be Michelle Choi and Zoenotzoey.
• Poetry. Words that get to me almost all the time.
• My newest Canon camera, gifted by lé dearest brother. It captured some of my favourite moments and memories in 2019, and because of it I started to vlog more.
• Oatmeal. Oatmeal. Oatmeal. I've said this countless of times on my ryleats account and Dayre, but I've been so obsessed with oatmeal ever since I started eating it for breakfast more than a year ago. I don't think anyone would be able to understand how much joy it brings me - I literally go to bed dreaming about having a bowl of it for breakfast the next morning, and it's one thing that gets me out of bed every day. As they always say..."Do something that makes you jump out of bed every morning." It's legit, oatmeal is that something.
• Facebook memes that make me laugh all the damn time.
• Spotify, duh because MUSIC. According to Spotify (2019), My top songs of the year are: No matter what, Best Part of me, and Burning. Apparently I spent 90 hours with Sam Smith on Spotify, cool shit. I absolutely love him though, he's literally a queen.
• Summer. Long gone are the days of layering and worrying that I'd freeze my ass off without my sweaters.
• Forging new friendships. I wouldn't have ever talked to some of them if not for this year's summer break.
• My family, of course. For always being my greatest pillar of strength and support, despite being miles away. They will always be my everything.

I never really made a list of 2019 resolutions but I thought about it here and there - and I think I've achieved most of the goals I've set for myself, and perhaps even did better than expected for some. In 2019, I wanted to:

1. Gym regularly (3-4 times/week) and finally be able to do a proper pull-up.
2. Cook at home more (eat out max. 3-4 times a week).
3. Eat healthier.
4. Incorporate more HIIT/circuits into workouts.
5. Try doing yoga/meditation.
6. Practice waking up + sleeping early.
7. Take better care of my skin.
8. Save up more money.
9. Learn new languages (Japanese/French).
10. Read more books.
11. Do well in school and graduate.

In the end, I haven't trained hard enough to be able to do a proper pull-up (ooops, but it isn't really that important to me right now). But I did cook at home a lot more and avoided eating out most of the time (except in the last two months!). I also managed to do more HIIT workouts since I joined F45, and did try doing yoga which improved my sleep for a period of time. I also started to go to bed and wake up early (during my semester, I sleep at 10:30-11pm and wake up at 7am every morning) and it was probably the best feeling ever! I didn't manage to read more books or save more money so I'll try harder in 2020. And of course I managed to graduate in the end, and I'm glad that my efforts in school paid off because I also managed to pull up my GPA in my final year (and also the fact that I barely missed any lectures in school this year).

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Many things happened in 2019. Many firsts, which I guess was pretty predictable (because life is always about experiencing new things amirite?!). Many bumpy roads and hiccups too, and I was forced to accept and cope with many things that came with grief. Grief accompanied me throughout the year as I picked up myself from the losses, and kept me awake on many lonely nights - but because of it, I learned how to cope and move on with life despite all the struggles. I also finally learned how to accept and love myself more, by having a healthier diet and lifestyle (I was pretty damn active, working out at 4-5 times a day consistently for weeks and even months). I had a lot more time for myself since I lived alone, and even more so after my LDR ended. So I took all the time I had and invested it in myself - to do things that I love, to treat my body better, cook good food, watch more dramas, take photos and did whatever I wanted. Because I learned how to love myself more, I stopped settling for anything less than I deserved, stood up for myself more, and learned how to not tolerate bullshit from some people. I also prioritised my studies, worked my ass off for my assignments, and did decently well in school. I guess I could say that I spent most of the year looking forward to my graduation, because after all I've already been in Uni for 4 years. 

I'd like to think that 2019 treated me pretty well, and one thing I know for sure is that the year will always have a special place in my heart (and life) because graduating from Uni marks the end of another significant chapter in my life. 2018 was a year of growth, change and learning. 2019 too, was a year of growth and learning - and also a year of acceptance & understanding self-love perhaps? I think I learned many valuable lessons this year, and I'm grateful for them. I wonder what 2020 has in store for me, but I can't say that I'm not excited to see where life will bring me to next.

Would it be a good year?

I guess we'll see.

As I write this, at this exact moment, I'm sitting on a chair in my small apartment and listening to my favourite songs from my playlist "Recent Faves" on Spotify, watching the trees dance in a distance and the autumn leaves fall. The sky is gloomy, and it looks like it's about to rain. I can hear the wind attacking the windows behind me and it's making quite a ruckus. It's the first time it's not sunny in the whole week. Though I enjoy the sun a lot, I do enjoy weather like this sometimes.

With no agenda to check any boxes off my "to-do" list today, it's pretty apparent that I had nothing planned the whole of today, and it's going exactly the way how I wanted it to be. Slow, gentle, peaceful..and some quiet alone time. It's a great way to spend a Sunday, especially the last one before the start of another race in University. My, my, today marks the end of easter break. Time sure flies.

I'm supposed to have my "holiday mood" switched off but somehow, I can only look forward to more holidays and more time to make beautiful breakfast or have the luxury to eat a good breakfast in a café, sipping on my cup of soy latte and watching passers-by pass, hearing the cracking coarse sound made by the coffee machine as the barista does his work on it.

At this exact moment, I'm also thinking of the track my life is on at the moment and I'm wondering if I'm enjoying this phase in life, and whether or not I'm happy and contented with where I am now. Still stuck in my second year in University, I guess I've not much to look forward to, except graduating and landing myself with a job. As much as I hate University sometimes, I can't deny the fact that I'm actually not looking forward to the end of it because...I'm so not fond of being a full-time working adult yet.

At the age of 20 (or should I say, 19 years and 10 months), I still feel like life has passed so quickly for me, so quick that I've yet to experience what it would feel like as a normal teenager. You know, the phase in life where I'm supposed to "have fun" and "play hard" while I can. I think time passed especially fast ever since I graduated from high school because it was just University right after that. I guess life is just....studying and studying and studying, graduating, and getting a job and working your entire life for money and THAT'S IT. Isn't that what everyone else is doing?

Even at this age, I feel 'old' enough to just want to settle down quickly and have things in my life all fixed, and there's nothing more that I look forward for than to be stable in life. Whether I'll still be in a relationship or not, or whether I'll be alone or not, I just can't wait to settle down - by having my own house, my own car, and having a stable income. Inherently, I think I just want to quickly reach that stage/phase in my life where I feel like my life is finally in a place; and not just I-don't-knows an feeling "lost" all the time.

At the age of 20 where I'm supposed to "have fun" and live wild, and at this age where many are still having fun and partying, drinking and dancing, getting high and doing all that stupid stuffs, I am more than happy to be where I am now - studying in Uni, and getting closer to where I want to be in the future. And at this exact moment, though I'm still lost and still 'unsettled' in life, I'm contented with where I am now.

"In some ways I feel like our man-made expectations of our lives are the perfect example of our intelligence as a species is both our greatest asset and our greatest undoing. In our world of Nicholas Sparks novels and idealised movies, we can adapt a very distorted view on our reality. We expect love to be a guy buying a star for us and expect to find magic in the form of pixie dust to fly to Neverland or become a mermaid. And beyond movies/novels is our media.

When we view things like health and happiness we expect it to look like beautiful fruit platters, running in lulu shorts with no sweat and perfect hair on a sunny day. AND we expect to get there right away. What we don't expect is ugly ass oats, rainy miserable days and a lifelong journey of making mistakes and learning.

So although inherently we know our lives aren't curated IG feeds or movies we can still expect things from life that it can't deliver. We compare our reality to our expectation of our reality and in doing so we take ourselves out of experiencing our lives in the moment as they are. We've let something that isn't bothering us bother us because we expect something else. It's like we've created a problem where none existed to begin with.

So perhaps the key is just changing our perspective on our expectations. 

Maybe love is best conveyed in just a humble hug and magic is found in the sun rising. Maybe this life, our life, your life, is already full of wonder. Maybe life's just about being here on this blue orb experiencing all the hurt, struggle, love and happiness this world has to offer.

I'm sitting in a cafe eating two vegan muffins and sippin on chai tea while gazing out the window at this beautiful little boy. He's looking wide-eyed and giddy, dipping his fingers in his moms latte, marvelling then licking up the foam, watching words come out of his loving family with curiosity in his eyes as if each word is a miracle. He's pointing and shouting at birds flying across the perfectly blue sky asking where they are going.

Maybe in his eyes just breathing, talking, seeing flying magical creatures and tasting caffeinated foam is enough to instil wonder in him. Maybe we all need some of his perspective in our lives."

Wow, it has been such a loooooooooong while.

How has everyone been?

To be honest, I don't think anyone reads this space anymore. But if you happen to read this, thank you for checking on this space. I hope you're doing good, and perhaps even better. I doubt I'll post much on this space anymore but I'll come back from time to time. Now that Dayre is closing down too, I'll be moving to wordpress to blog daily (life updates!). So if you're still looking for my posts and there aren't any new ones here, try looking for them at cheryyyylllll.wordpress.com!

I've been well. It's year 2 in Uni now and it's gonna be a real hectic year, and I might disappear once I get busy but I'm always on Instagram @ cheryyyyllll if you need to find me. I love y'all!


Love,

Cheryl

In case anyone starts to think that this is a scam, I can safely assure you that I've met Donna in real life before and I visited her in the hospital just two months ago. Despite all the pain she has endured alone, she still remained cheerful and smiley and was able to crack jokes with all of us. Her positivity and strength definitely touched my heart and left me a very strong impression of her, though I met her then only for the very first time.

For those who wants to know more about her story, it's all on the link below (and it's also the same link where you can donate money if you like):

https://give.asia/story/help_donna_-running_out_of_funds_to_continue_treatment?utm_campaign=donation_success&utm_medium=email&utm_source=uww3u9i7cjk2mv1n#story
Just hearing Donna's story makes my heart break, because I've once lost someone close to me because of cancer too. I lost my dad due to cancer when I was 14 and it was the most heartbreaking, sad, tragic and life-changing experience in my life. Thankfully enough we managed to cover most of his expenses with insurance and savings. So I can't imagine having anyone else fighting the same battle but having to stress about money at this point of time.

No one deserves to have cancer, even if they are villians with black hearts or the worst kind of humans possible. We have lost so many of our loved ones to it. And in any way, no one deserves to fret over their financial expenses or reject any treatment for themselves just because they can't afford it. I know everyone has their own struggles and we're all trying to survive in our own ways in this world, but I believe we're all meant to help each other out and lessen each other's pain.

"We rise by lifting others. "

And I wanna share one of the most beautiful and empowering quotes here:



And as Mother Theresa once said:

"Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love."

Anyway, I had a simple celebration on my 19th birthday with just my boyfriend by having a simple date out. I had a history exam that very morning so I spent most of my morning studying for it, and then I went out for lunch with him. We had burritos and nachos, had a good coffee, walked around the city hand in hand, talked, chilled, did grocery shopping together, went home to cook and had dinner. That was it but — Just that alone, was good enough.

So recently I've just finished reading a book titled Showing Up For Life by Bill Gates Sr. And I must say - It's pretty good.
1 "In each of our lives, we have opportunities to do many things when no one is watching. And it is under such circumstances that we express and cultivate character. We all make mistakes. But, as the classics attest there is nothing in life worth surrendering the right to think of oneself as a good person.