when i was a child, i remember wishing and praying almost everyday that i would quickly grow up so that i would finally have the freedom to do the things i want to do. as a child, i thought that being a teenager or an adult (basically, just grown-ups) would be really really fun and fulfilling because i mean, who wouldn't love and enjoy freedom? being able to work, going out to chill with your friends, getting a boyfriend, being in love, getting married, having children, and earning lots of money......doesn't all of that sound good?
ever since i was a little kid, i told myself that: one day, i shall be a successful business woman, decked in a classy outfit and endowed with branded goods from head to toe, wearing sunglasses and driving my very own convertible. i shall be the happiest woman in the world then.
so that was what i always reminded and told myself each time someone prompted me to share my dream job/ambitions with them. but actually, it didn't really matter a lot which job i was going do because i never really gave a lot of thought into it. the job just had to be DECENT, worth doing, had to be something i enjoyed and loved doing, but most importantly it HAS to be well-paying. if it pays me well, nothing else really matters.
because money gives you power. money gives you the ability to splurge on everything and get anything you want. money gives you basically everything. money attracts people. (even if you can't attract anyone with your looks, you still have money to get plastic surgery.)
money = happiness.
therefore, goal in life = just be rich, or find a rich husband.
looking back at it, i was really superficial back then even when i was just a child. that's pretty scary, don't you think?
but right now in such an advanced world, especially living in first world countries, i don't think all of us have never felt the same. how would it be possible that anyone would HATE money? no one would. if you told someone that, he/she would probably tell you "you hate money? ok lor then give me, i don't mind" or just "GIVE ME THEN!!"
but as you grow older, there's no doubt that things would change. people mature and our perceptions differ.
{but anyway, how did this post ended up talking about superficiality? that was definitely not my intention of this post....................omg i shall just get straight to the point.}
but basically -
as i grow older, i find myself craving more and more of simplicity. each year, i find myself increasingly drawn back towards a freedom from complexity and intricacy.
whether it is just doing simple things like thinking or taking a walk alone...........i feel satisfied with just all of that. everyday i crave for more time to rest and indulge myself in absolute freedom.
i no longer crave stimulants of differing forms and i only want to live a simplistic life full of joy and happiness.
i want to be in a place where i no longer feel the need to be distracted or seek distractions that deter me from the present reality and just, appreciate life in its entirety.
on somedays i wish i could be stuck on an island or land myself on a beautiful grass field and spend my time there reading, or just thinking, or just marvelling at the sight of the beautiful landscape right before my eyes. i wished all of us had the time to do all of these. i wished we could all see the beauty that surrounds our lives and take the time to realise how irrevocable and inconceivable this beauty truly is.
if only we could all just stop in our tracks and take a little bit of our time to just notice.
how long as it been since the last time you actually thought about your life? how long has it been since you felt genuinely happy? how long has it been since you've felt completely stress-free? how long has it been since you were last distracted?
i want heartwarming connections with people i love and care about, and just laughing with them freely without having to worry about anything else at the back of my mind. i want to take a stroll down a patch of grass field, sit there and just think. i want to lay down and soak up the sun. i want to just, take a walk at the beach and feel the fine sand sediments below my feet and the cold water caressing them as the wind blows over towards my direction. i want to hear the birds chirping from the trees far away, and see the clouds drift gracefully above me.
i want to be in nothing but serenity.
if i could, i would trade anything and everything i have now just for this. to have a life replete in happiness, freedom and peace, i would crave for nothing more.
tomorrow marks the day my holiday officially starts and also the day i would be flying off to a country away from Singapore. this has probably be one of the most awaited holiday i've had in my life because there are so many things i'm caught up with in life recently and i really just want to take a breather and relax myself for a little while.
seoul, see you in 27 hours' time.
