At this exact moment


As I write this, at this exact moment, I'm sitting on a chair in my small apartment and listening to my favourite songs from my playlist "Recent Faves" on Spotify, watching the trees dance in a distance and the autumn leaves fall. The sky is gloomy, and it looks like it's about to rain. I can hear the wind attacking the windows behind me and it's making quite a ruckus. It's the first time it's not sunny in the whole week. Though I enjoy the sun a lot, I do enjoy weather like this sometimes.

With no agenda to check any boxes off my "to-do" list today, it's pretty apparent that I had nothing planned the whole of today, and it's going exactly the way how I wanted it to be. Slow, gentle, peaceful..and some quiet alone time. It's a great way to spend a Sunday, especially the last one before the start of another race in University. My, my, today marks the end of easter break. Time sure flies.

I'm supposed to have my "holiday mood" switched off but somehow, I can only look forward to more holidays and more time to make beautiful breakfast or have the luxury to eat a good breakfast in a café, sipping on my cup of soy latte and watching passers-by pass, hearing the cracking coarse sound made by the coffee machine as the barista does his work on it.

At this exact moment, I'm also thinking of the track my life is on at the moment and I'm wondering if I'm enjoying this phase in life, and whether or not I'm happy and contented with where I am now. Still stuck in my second year in University, I guess I've not much to look forward to, except graduating and landing myself with a job. As much as I hate University sometimes, I can't deny the fact that I'm actually not looking forward to the end of it because...I'm so not fond of being a full-time working adult yet.

At the age of 20 (or should I say, 19 years and 10 months), I still feel like life has passed so quickly for me, so quick that I've yet to experience what it would feel like as a normal teenager. You know, the phase in life where I'm supposed to "have fun" and "play hard" while I can. I think time passed especially fast ever since I graduated from high school because it was just University right after that. I guess life is just....studying and studying and studying, graduating, and getting a job and working your entire life for money and THAT'S IT. Isn't that what everyone else is doing?

Even at this age, I feel 'old' enough to just want to settle down quickly and have things in my life all fixed, and there's nothing more that I look forward for than to be stable in life. Whether I'll still be in a relationship or not, or whether I'll be alone or not, I just can't wait to settle down - by having my own house, my own car, and having a stable income. Inherently, I think I just want to quickly reach that stage/phase in my life where I feel like my life is finally in a place; and not just I-don't-knows an feeling "lost" all the time.

At the age of 20 where I'm supposed to "have fun" and live wild, and at this age where many are still having fun and partying, drinking and dancing, getting high and doing all that stupid stuffs, I am more than happy to be where I am now - studying in Uni, and getting closer to where I want to be in the future. And at this exact moment, though I'm still lost and still 'unsettled' in life, I'm contented with where I am now.

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