losing it all


I'm feeling so suffocated.

I just want to take a break. 

I'm honestly so tired of everything. 

I just don't know how to feel anymore.

I hate how I fail to stay happy even though I try my hardest to put on a smile every single time.

Somehow even when we are completely exhausted: physically, emotionally and mentally, we are still expected to continue pushing. 
We are supposed to suck it down and live with it. And possibly with a smile on our faces.

When all you want to do is to lie down and figure your life out. When all you want to do is to pick yourself up. When all you want to do is to feel a little better. When all you want to do is to feel a little stronger than this.
But no.
You're expected to pretend like it doesn't really bother you. You're expected to feel like you're okay even when you aren't. You're expected to suck it up. You're expected to carry on with a smile.

Sometimes i wish i had a pause button. To stop time for a little while. To feel at ease. To feel the flow of life. To see where life leads me to when i stop trying.

I wish i could sleep. Forever.

I hate how I'm so used to telling myself that I need to put a strong front in front of everyone else because things get easier that way.
I'm so used to getting hurt.
I'm so used to suppressing my feelings.
I'm so used to not telling anyone what my real problems are. 
I'm so used to keeping everything to myself.
I'm so used to (trying) to be there for everyone.
I'm so used to telling people things I want to hear. 

You don't know how much it sucks when you try to be there for everyone but no one's there for you when you need someone. 

I'm so tired.

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