Goodbye 2015.


As some (or most) of you may have known, I have officially left the school in December. It wasn't on impulse, and it's not because I don't like the school, but because.........

I will be leaving Singapore to study at University of Tasmania, also known as UTAS next year!!!! It is the best (and my happiest) decision I've made this year. I'm so flippin' happy, because this is like a DREAM finally come true. I honestly can't believe that this is REAL because God knows how long I've been waiting for this.

And now that 2015 is coming to an end, I'm closing the year with a heavy yet thankful heart.

2015 was definitely one of the worst years in my life, and this year hasn't been easy at all.

2015 was entering TPJC for the first time, and getting to know new people. It was realising that, it really takes time to know people - It's not as easy as you think it is.

2015 was all about homework, STRESS, exams and PROMOS. It was 90% of my life.

2015 was about losing faith, passion and the purpose of life. It was losing the drive, losing the passion, losing everything I was. I was probably at the lowest point of my life. It was giving in to anxiety and depression.

2015 was about picking myself up and crumbling into pieces. Again and again. And again.

2015 was finding strength and motivation every single day. It was about finding it this minute, and losing it the next.

2015 was about drifting away from my best friend and seeing so little of her. (But I'm glad we still made it through of course!)

2015 was about seeing and catching up with my close friends in other schools, and realising how much I miss them.

2015 was all about missing the simpler and happier days I use to have.

2015 was all about missing HAPPINESS and contentment in life.

2015 was about dating and learning from it.

2015 was about VEGANISM and becoming a vegan. (One of the best things that ever happened this year.)

2015 was about fighting and having conflicts with friends for the FIRST time in my life.

2015 was about SEOUL, PHUKET and CAMBODIA. It was the feeling of carefreeness and finding peace all over again in Phuket. It was the feeling of pure bliss, happiness and contentment in life in Cambodia.

2015 was everything about LEARNING. It was learning from mistakes, experiences and the past. It was all about GROWING from them.

2015 was about pure gratitude despite everything good or bad. It was about being thankful for every single thing this year, be it small or big. It was about feeling incredibly BLESSED.

2015 was mostly about TPJC.
TPJ was mostly about boring lectures, amazing teachers, nice and friendly canteen stall owners, hating Chemistry and Math, falling in love with Bio (again), horrible PROJECT WORK, hating and cursing about PW, sleeping in chinese, sharing Pocky sticks in chinese and 'quarrelling' with laoshi all the time, drinking Mango Madness from the cafe, loving the cafe's tuna puffs (before I turned vegan), being OBSESSED with red bean buns from the canteen, having h2h talks with Xinyi in GP and Math, joining a running event on Sports day and winning my first medal, signing up for tennis inter-house games and winning my second and third medals, staying in school to study till 8pm, and it was about having new friends.

One of the few reasons why this entire year is nothing but 'ZERO RAGRATS' is because of the people I've met here, and they are the ones I'm truly thankful for. For holding me together and helping me each time I fall. Thank you, I honestly wouldn't survived so well if not for you guys. I'm sure you know who you are. Thank you all for being so genuine.

TPJ was also about CAMBODIA. It was 10 days filled with laughter, hard work, waking up early every morning, thermometer checks, malaria pills, Kok Kruel Primary, the children, yummy vegan food, crashing early every night, having a HEALTHY body clock. It was about sharing oreos with Jevonne, getting BITTEN by mosquitoes everywhere I go and applying Mopiko all over. It was about EATING BANANAS EVERYDAY, eating tons of fruits and veggies everyday, going to the night market, being GRATEFUL for every single small thing I have in life. It was about giving and feeling thankful for it. It was about loving the children as if they were my own, and it was about heartaches and misses when I left them. It was about seeing them smile, while feeling so blessed and having so much peace. It was about learning something new everyday.

In retrospect, this year certainly went by like...........a turtle. Haha yes that was how slow it was for me, maybe because I didn't particularly enjoy it that much. This past year has been filled with so many sleepless nights, 3AM nights spent staring blankly at the streets, lots of stress and crying and so much misery. But because I lost happiness mid-way, I'm glad I found it back at the end. Sad to say that I only got back to where I used to be only in the last two months of 2015 but it's better than never. Goodbye 2015, thank you for testing my abilities and all the lessons you've given me. It has been a tough year but I'm glad I made it through.

And to you reading this now, what was 2015 like? What have you learned about yourself, your mistakes, your past and the people around you?

It's about a week left to 2016, and man I'm way too excited for it. I don't know if it's going to be a better or a worse year, but one thing I'm certain is that - I believe myself, and I believe I can survive. It's going to be a year spent away from Singapore, away from my family and friends and it's going to be a year of adapting and learning. Even though I may be a little afraid of the impending year, I'm ready to embrace all of it. They say that big changes in life are catalysts for growth, and I'm sure I would learn many new things and I can't wait to grow from all of it.

Goodbye, and thank you.

And this, is how you say goodbye to this year:

Be unafraid to examine what happened to you this year – the good things you did, and more importantly, the shitty things you did. People you hurt, people who hurt you. Times when you put yourself out there, and times when you should have put yourself out there but were too scared of rejection. Think about the thrills you felt when you tried new things, and the self-loathing you felt when you stayed right where you were because you were afraid. Think about how much better it felt to take a risk and deal with potential failure than it did to stay safely in your comfort zone.

Be at once kind to yourself and hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for all the mistakes you made, but learn from them. Give those mistakes meaning in your story so that you can make sure they didn’t happen for nothing. Acknowledge that you did stupid things, selfish things, lazy things, cowardly things – and do not do them again. Grow from them, be a better and more empathetic person because of them.

Think back on all the times you stood paralyzed when someone needed your help. Promise yourself you’ll do it differently this time around – enter the new year with unclouded eyes and an open heart, always looking out for ways that you can make someone else’s life a little or a lot better. Do not be one more statistic in the bystander effect. Be the person that jumps in to help, and watch how quickly everyone else will follow your lead. And do not forget that even a small act of kindness on your end can mean much more to someone than you ever realise.

Be aware of all of the ways you were privileged this year, especially if it makes you uncomfortable – that’s usually a sign that you’re aware of how much easier your life can (sometimes or often) be in comparison to others. Thank the people that got you to where you are today. Be proud of your accomplishments and your hard work, but be aware of all the assistance you got along the way. Find a way to start giving that help and support back to people who are not as fortunate as you.
Bask in the beauty of how unimportant you are. Think of all the times over the last year that you let something small affect you so deeply, even though you knew it really had nothing to do with you. Next time someone bumps into you on the sidewalk without apologizing or cuts in front of you at the grocery store, let it go in that moment. Remember that they did not begin their day thinking about ways they could make yours more miserable – so you should not spend the rest of your day, or week, with a chip on your shoulder. They’ve already forgotten about you, so forget about them.

Think of all the times you didn’t listen to your gut, and how wrong that felt. Like when you knew you should have kissed that person but you didn’t. Or when you screwed up and knew you should have apologized, but were too stubborn. Or when you didn’t apply to that one awesome job, even though you had felt stagnant in your career for months. Come to terms with the fact that even when you don’t like what your gut is saying, it’s usually right. Trust that you’ve been through enough shit that your intuition is now as sharp as a knife.

Recall all the things you were convinced were going to bring you happiness, and then didn’t. Think about how initially infatuated you were with your new salary or apartment or phone and then how quickly you got used to it. Remember how quickly you moved on from one thing to the next, and how the next thing was never the thing that finally brought you happiness. Do not feel like you have to think of raises and nice apartments and smartphones as evil – you just have to understand their purpose: Fun, enjoyable distractions. Not answers.

Remember all the times this past year that you felt uncomfortable or out of sorts and acknowledge that those were the times you were growing the most. A life should have plenty of moments filled with joy and happiness. But don’t confuse easiness with happiness. Think of all the moments you felt unsettled or nervous – and how that usually involved you working towards something or becoming someone better than you could have ever imagined.

Say goodbye to 2015 with hope, gratitude, excitement, and wonder. But also say goodbye to this year with self-awareness and cognizance of where you need to go in the future. It’s okay to be afraid, it’s okay to be uncertain, it’s okay to be overwhelmed with the amount of things you want to do. Just don’t let yourself stand in the corner, paralyzed with fear. 

There’s too much adventure waiting for you.

--{Repost via:}

Embrace the past, don't fear the future. Open your arms and be ready for 2016.

To my readers, thank you for reading my blog up till today. Wishing you a blessed year end and a wonderful year ahead x


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  1. What are you studying in Utas?

    1. Foundation studies for this year then Bachelor of Biomedical Sciences, but I'm aiming for Medicine x

  2. but if you can't handle the stress of JC, then how to handle the stress of a doctor?