i miss you


251113 // 11:49pm
can't sleep, too much on my mind.
have been doing a lot of thinking recently and it kills me actually.
alright i'm gonna start off by apologising to whoever's reading this, because its a really sad post and there's nothing i can do about it.
time passes really quick, in 2 days, or should i say in 43 hours and 7 minutes, it will be a year since someone left.
well, everyone leaves, one by one.
its just a kind of thing that you'll grow used to one day.
i miss you dad.
something that i have been asking myself lately - "how different would my life be if you were around?"
and then i would see images of myself being a happier person, being the person i used to be.
they say that time heals everything, but why do i still feel the same?
sometimes i really wonder how much better life would be for us if you were present. i never really knew how much of a difference someone's presence would be until a year ago.
and then i wonder again if this is just a joke, a god's prank on me or is it just my punishment for losing you.
i guess you wouldn't really know how much it hurts when the person you love most leaves you until it happens to you.
i learnt that god takes all the good people away, sometimes i wished you weren't that nice. maybe if you didn't had such a good heart, god wouldn't take you back.
i miss your hugs so badly.
thanks for appearing in my dreams when i needed you. you made me realise that you have always been there for me even though no one else was 
even though youre not around physically......mum always said that "even if they can't live with us, they live in our hearts" and that "your dad, he will always live in our hearts" i guess thats a good thing to hear.
even though you may not be with us physically, i know you are always there for me spiritually & mentally. god gave me the best father one could ever have so i shouldn't ask for more. god taught me how to be a stronger person.
i guess, if you always look on the bright side of life, life would be so much easier.
i've learnt how to be a stronger person mentally, knowing that sometimes i can't take control of everything in life no matter how much i want to. i also began to realise how important someone could be. and also, how important it is to cherish everyone you have at every single moment.
after all, losing someone isn't everything.
because you start to realise things you didn't before, you start to believe in things you didn't before, you start to forgive people you said you never would, and you start to love someone more than you could.
it is already reassuring & more than enough to know that someone is always there for you even though you can't see them.
"they are like stars. even though sometimes you can't see them, you know they are always there."
also, i've realised that my family loves me & i guess thats all i need to know. grandpa also treats me like a dear so i just treat him as my dad too.
so rest in peace dad, our family are coping well. i love you the same & i'd never love someone as much as you. be happy and i can't wait to see you soon next time.
just know that i'd trade anything and anyone in the world to have you back.
rest in peace, i love you.
"its not goodbye, it is 'i will see you soon.'"
sorry for this dreadful post but i do hope that these feelings will be able to be conveyed to my dad. and hopefully this post would be able to touch the heart of someone who have probably also lost someone precious to them.
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