Day 225: I could have. #346daysofgratitude


"I could have."

Recently a thought came to my mind. I was thinking about all the could-have-beens and could-haves, and what could have possibly happened if I had chose a different road or made the other choice. Sometimes I wonder what could have happened if I didn't decide to choose this back then, and how different my life would have been today if not for the choices I've made till today.

When a choice is presented to you, what choice do you make? Do you make rational or irrational decisions? What do you consider? Yourself or others first? If you had to choose between a choice that would make you happy and a choice that would be the most worthwhile, which one would you go for?

I guess this is a part of what life is. We're always in choice. Whether or not we decide to sleep in in the morning, or get up to do work, or cook at home or eat out..every single day presents to us as a choice. You have a choice to do something everyday. Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you've made.

Sometimes I different life would be if I had decided to stay in Singapore instead of coming to Australia (But I know that if I had chosen that back then, I'd probably live in misery lol). And how different life would have been if I decided to come a year earlier after my O's. Or how different it would turn out if I had stopped studying then.

If I didn't decide to go to a JC last year, I wouldn't have met my closest bunch of friends there. I wouldn't have met the most genuine people in my life, and if I really didn't, I would have regretted. But I did. If I didn't decide to go to JC, I wouldn't have known what it felt like to be a JC student, and I wouldn't have known what STUDYING really (or maybe hell) was. I wouldn't have had dated someone, I wouldn't have fell out with a close friend, I wouldn't have gone to Cambodia and I wouldn't have the best time of my life.

Similarly, if I hadn't gone to KC, would I have met people like my girlfriends I have now? Would I have known how it felt like being in an all-girls school? Would I have been plagued with stupid boys and relationship issues, and be distracted with my studies? Would I have been less hardworking and determined to do well? 

Now looking back at it, and looking where I'm at now, it's true that everything I am and have now is a reflection of all the choices I've made. The me now is still undeniably flawed and imperfect, still like I once was, but for that I'm thankful. Thankful because every time I look back at the choices I've made, I look back with a smile because I can safely say that I've zero regrets. Maybe the me in twenty years time would regret the choices I've made today or a decade later, but I guess it's always important to know yourself the best and be the architect of your own life and happiness. You've no one else to blame but yourself at the end of the day, but instead of blaming yourself for the wrong choices you've made, take it as a lesson. We're all humans. We make mistakes. But it's okay as long as we learn from them.

A choice is presented to us each day. But do we even realise this? Life sure works in interesting ways. Just thinking about how different life would be like if I've made a different choice makes me wonder how much more or less I could have been as a person today. I could have done this or that instead. I could have. 

But in all the could-haves and could-have-beens, I will still live today, and take each day as it comes.

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