Day 242: A quiet dilapidation #346daysofgratitude


Somewhere along this road I've lost myself.


There is this perpetual need to benumb myself, again and again, even if all seems futile. The accumulated contents of the past few weeks have had me trodden down with fatigue, and my mind has surrendered itself to a quiet dilapidation. Time and time again, I am reminded that I only have myself, and for that, I can't lose.

Perhaps if I've tried harder this time I would have won. Afterall, what else can I say when there's no one else to turn to at the finishing line? I've been running, I know. For the longest time ever, I've been running away from myself. Perhaps I shouldn't run away when I don't even know what I'm running from. There is nothing to look forward to at the finishing line - no one, no cheering, no applause. Perhaps this is what it feels like to run a marathon, a seemingly long and arduous one, with no one in sight at the end. The end seems like an unending road. I might have outstretched myself far too much this time.

But I'll still keep on walking.

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  1. Breathe. You are gonna emerge stronger from there. You got this, Cheryl.