CHERYL

"why is she dressed in such a weird way?"
"why does he look so sneaky?"
"why are people staring?"
"why are all guys jerks?"
"why are some people so desperate?"
"why do some people try so hard for?"
"why am i so lazy?"
"why am i not even trying?"
"why am i still living?"
"why do i exist?"

do thoughts like these run through your mind all day?

because they do, for me.

i feel like there's just too many questions running through my mind all day. it feels as if all these questions are runners that are running to finish a marathon in my head.
the thing is, where are all these questions leading to?

honestly i can come up with so many things to blog about a day. probably about 20+ different topics/day, but that would be impossible because such a lazy bum like me wouldn't do it.

sometimes i wonder if these questions will suddenly stop & that i'll have a moment of peace. when that comes, i'd probably stop wondering why.

hahaha, i don't even know why i'm blogging about this. wait, i don't even know what i'm talking about.

sorry you had to read this.

 Gonna say bye for now because my stomach is starting to hurt again so I'm going to rest!
Goodnight and i hope i'll blog soon :) On the side note, I'm leaving Singapore for hong kong next week and i can't wait wheeeeeee finally a getaway after so long.

Till then!

Cheryl

why do i find it so hard to be happy?

honestly feeling so tired of living this way.
woke up feeling a lil inspired to make the best out of today, but all my plans backfired so i ended up sleeping my afternoon away. i absolutely hate it when i waste my weekends away like that, but i was so irritated with everything since my plans were ruined so i just decided to sleep it off.
woke up feeling worse, but i managed to shrug it off and went out to shop alone for a little while. wanted to get some clothes for myself since it has been a pretty long time since i bought any, but the clothes were all unappealing so i didn't get any. wanted to get some sushi, pizzas or ben&jerry ice cream to make myself a lil better, but i didn't have the appetite to eat.
such a wasteful weekend and right now, i just want my appetite to come back and eat, at least eating makes me happy.

to be honest, i feel like i'm slipping into depression. i haven't felt genuinely happy for the longest time ever. i fret over small things & find it so difficult to carry on with a smile.
& nobody cares, nor do i.
i want to give up on myself, yet at the same time, i'm afraid of giving in to depression. i want to completely sink, but i'm afraid of sinking forever.

i don't know. i want to push harder, but i want to give up even more.

why am i even typing this, its not like anyone's going to read this before i delete it.

they say "its just one of those days" but i don't think it's just "one" anymore. more like everyday.

i just miss being happy.

And it’s finally Mother’s Day, 
so HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to the most beautiful and amazing woman in the world!
Happy Mother’s Day sister! (Calling you ‘sister’ would make you feel younger right? Right.) (Actually no, that would make me sound so old, so no.)
Dedicating to you my mother’s day note here on my blog because i don’t wanna write it out in a card, reason wise:
1. I’ve no time because i’m studying for my exams (look at how hardworking your daughter is!)
2. You’d probably throw my card to neverland after reading it
3. I’ve never dedicated a post to you in my blog

4. I don’t know when you would be reading this, so *surprise*

Anyway, i just want to thank you for everything you've done for us, for me and for the entire family. I'd say "there's no way i can ever pay you back for all you've done" but no i'm not going to say that because i'm very sure that i'm going to make sure that you live well with me in the future. 
Gonna work my ass off and get a doctor's cert and let you live in bliss forever. Yay, sounds great right? Yup, it's a plan. PLAN = A STEP TO GOAL!

Just wait and see, your daughter will succeed. 

(well, if she stops dreaming)

Thanks for putting up with my nonsense for the past 16 years of your life ever since i was born and putting up with my bad temper everyday. Well honestly, i'm not good in expressing and i'm so tempted to be sarcastic with all my words but since it's mother's day, i shall not. :) 

I know these past few years have been tough on you, but i just want you to know that you're the strongest woman in my life. You've overcome many things in life & you're just so so so strong. I hope you'll remain that way, but don't keep everything to yourself. You can confide in your daughter y'know, she's a damn good listener (i'm serious)! Whatever it is, i know life have been taking a toll on you & you've been struggling to balance with the weight of the world (our burdens) on your shoulders all this time, but rest assured, because your "big girl" is going to grow up soon and share those burdens with you.

Alright, you just need to know that i'm FINE and i know what i'm doing 100% of the time, so you don't have to constantly worry for me (worry for your son and younger daughter instead!).

All in all, Happy Mother's Day to the most fabulous and amazing mother in this world, i'd never trade you for anything else even if you go bankrupt, old and unwanted (We want you!)

Happy mother's day.

I love you.

{random thought at 8am in the morning}

" You have to start over. That's what they say. But life is not a board game, and losing a loved one is never really "starting over. More like "continuing without"."

- The first phone call from heaven // Mitch Albom 

Well, i guess it's true. Losing a loved one is never really starting over. It isn't the end of your world or your life, maybe just not yet.

You don't start over. You move on.



Everything happens for a reason - it's cliche, but we all know its true.
No matter how much we blame everything on others and on ourselves, you just need to believe that things that are meant to be, are meant to be.

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe in lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” - Marilyn Monroe

If you think that you're the only one suffering, you need to know that you're not alone.

God took away the people i loved the most. The people whom i haven't spend enough time with, the people i want to spend my life with & the people whom i never want to lose in my life.

I used to blame everything on God and myself. I never stopped asking myself, "Why is life so cruel? Why did you take him away? Why not me?"

I prayed so hard that God would trade my life with the people i loved.

I didn't care about losing myself just for them. I didn't need to live. I could just let them live. I thought, at least i'm not as important as them in the eyes of others.

Eventually, I started to believe that God takes away the good people.
The kind ones.

I believed in many things. Maybe i just needed excuses to let myself believe that life isn't that cruel. All i needed was to tell myself that things go wrong for a reason.

Moving on isn't easy. It takes time. It might take months, or maybe even a few years to let go.

They say time heals everything. I don't know if it's true, but i believe that you just get used to certain things.

If you think that it's impossible to move on, then you are wrong.

Because i'm moving on. And you should too.

I know it's hard to move on when the memories doesn't stop haunting you. And sometimes, you might feel that you're selfish for letting go & moving on - but that's not true. It's moving on, not forgetting. You don't have to forget about someone just to move on.

Sometimes, people come into our lives just to teach us a lesson.

You'd start to realise things you didn't before, you start to believe in things you didn't before, you start to forgive people you said you never would, and you start to love someone more than you could. 

You just learn how to be stronger each time you fall.

“People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past.” - Nicholas Sparks

Believe.

You'll get back all right.