Day 192: Missed lessons, Job interview, Thoughts #346daysofgratitude


Unintentionally gave class a miss today since I switched my alarms off then drifted back to sleep, and woke up half an hour past 9. I had English class at 9 so I was obviously late and had to give it a miss. Y'know the feeling when you wake up feeling cold on the outside and warm inside (feverish I mean) and feel a sore throat......that just makes you want to sleep longer. I think I caught a flu from Wednesday since I was caught in the rain, sigh.

 I finally got out of bed at 10:30, made breakfast and started the day.

Spent the morning just eating breakfast, getting ready for Math class in the afternoon and watching an episode of Doctors! Then when I was about to get changed, J-ann and Juanny came back home so I was gonna go class with them. Just then I received a message from the manager from Heartfood for a job interview at 3, and that clashed with my Math class so I called them to ask if I could postpone it to the weekends instead. And so on the way to class with J-ann I realised I forgot to bring my lunch out, and spontaneously decided that I should just go for the interview instead. Felt so bad missing class for the whole day but I thought it wouldn't be a waste of time at least. 

The interview was supposed to be at 3 but I reached there an hour early, and so in the midst of waiting the staff offered me a cup of water (which I thought was lovely, thank you!) and also one samosa for me to try. Unfortunately I didn't get the job because my classes would clash with my job schedule, so nah. Pretty bummed that I didn't get the job and technically made a wasted trip BUT, I guess everything happens for a reason ahaha. After I left I went in to another vegetarian cafe nearby and left my contact with the staff. So hopefully the manager would get back to me soon, fingers crossed! Was going to go home straight afterwards but it was raining so I decided to just walk around the city since I was already there, and so I dropped by Woolies to get some baking stuffs. But in the end I just got some spices and sesame oil ahaha, then dropped by the Chemist to get some veggies powder. Then I took the bus back home and walked home in the rain! 
Spending the whole day out alone was a first, and I think it kinda helped me sort out my thoughts and distracted me for awhile while I was alone. Somehow I feel like I haven't been myself lately. Not sure why either. 

But anyway, I read this article from Thought Catalog recently and I loved it.

I Might Not Know What I’m Doing, But I Know I’m Surviving (And That’s What Matters)

We all struggle on some days. And sometimes, we can struggle for years on end. We wake up on days where the sun shines too bright and instead of welcoming it, we cover it with our curtains. We all wake up on days where the noise around us screams too loudly, and makes our heart beat unusually fast.
But even on those days where we stay in bed and attempt to shut off the world around us, we still breathe.

We still survive. We still live. Because it’s what we have to do. And it’s what I have to do.

Amidst the chaos that this world rains down on me, I will not let it drench me. I will not let the sickness of negativity infect my cells. I will not let my bruised and beaten down heart stop beating. And I will not let the weight of the world crush down on my shoulders.
We must survive the hardship, breathe through the falls, run through the fire, and welcome the tears.

Because without those hard days, we won’t be able to recognize what the good days will feel like. And even when we don’t know what we are doing, or when we don’t know which way is right, we have to keep walking. And keep on going.

We all get a little lost sometimes. It’s hard to know which way is left and which way is right when your head is already spinning sideways. It’s hard to stay stable when the world keeps telling you how to live your life and what to do with it.

But your life is all up to you. And in order to keep it, you’ve got to keep surviving through the wreckage. I know, it’s so easy to get caught up in everyday pressures that society spits out at us. It’s easy to get scared for your future, and to question if you’re worthy of a great one. It’s so easy to doubt yourself, and to walk blindly through the woods.

But the beauty of the downfall, comes after you pull through it. You grow stronger, you breathe deeper, and you feel lighter. The beauty of the downfall, is the light you see when you get back up. It’s how you adapt to the struggle and then move on to a better tomorrow.
It’s about how you survived even when you didn’t want to. It’s about not giving up, even when you wanted to.

I might not know what I’m doing, and I might not have everything figured out right now, but that’s the exact point of life. You don’t go on a rollercoaster just for a straight line path that never dips. You want all of the dips, drops and spins that it can offer you.

So, when the world becomes too much for you and when you feel like you can’t take another bad day, just remember how many good days you are yet to have.

And remember to keep on surviving, to keep on breathing and to never stop believing.

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