DAY NINE #346daysofgratitude



Last night I went to bed pretty early (at 12am) but I still couldn't sleep until 1, mostly because I was worrying about my friend. I just couldn't sleep, so I did a small prayer (I'm a Buddhist, by the way) and tried to distract myself. At about 4am I suddenly woke up because I felt like it was getting warm, so I switched the fan on and went back to sleep. Despite everything, I woke up earlier than usual and I woke up STARVING. So I made myself some chocolate pancakes, which were the best pancakes I've made so far. I realised that the rule-of-thumb to getting some flavourful pancakes is to slather peanut butter or chocolate spreads between every two pancakes. (HEE,YOU'RE WELCOME.)

So after breakfast, I caught the latest episode of Cheese in the trap and waited awhile before I headed to the pool to tan. I checked the weather forecast in the morning and they predicted that it would be a whole day of raining, so that really dampened my spirits. But thankfully, there wasn't any rain at all today and the sun was practically out the whole afternoon. Not to mention that it was ESPECIALLY HOT today. I was literally melting under the blistering heat, so I only stayed for an hour.

After I showered I made myself lunch using the mung bean fettucine pasta my friend got me last year and I made some spicy arriabatta pasta. It was UNEXPECTEDLY GOOD, the sauce was perfect and it made the whole dish really tasty. I was actually not hungry at all before I cooked lunch, but man this only made me HUNGRIER. So I had another red bean bun, four chocolate muesli cookies and TEN sesame snaps. My hunger cues and appetite are both crazy. I feel like I can eat my whole house down sometimes.

So I cried while watching a drama today, and nope not because someone in the drama died or broke up. But because of a girl who overcame her fears and eventually succeeded in the end. It was my first time crying over something like this, and recently I've gotten so emotional and I don't really know the exact reason why. Whenever I see or hear something, I'd just subconsciously put myself into whoever's shoes and feel exactly the same way. I feel like I've become way more sensitive than I used to be, and it's kind of scaring me in a sense that I get too overwhelmed with emotions sometimes and unconsciously allow those feelings to take over all of me. That said, I've always hated to feel because I thought that feelings were toxic. I thought that life would be thousand times better if feelings didn't exist, because that way no one would be hurt, sad or depressed. Everyone would be like a walking rock: detached and emotionless, but safe and harmless. Ultimately I hated being sensitive because I thought it would make me more vulnerable. But I've realised that without feelings, we are nothing. 

(Well, that was today's thought of the day.)

Had so much curry, veggies and rice for dinner and I felt like I was TEN YEARS pregnant right after eating hahah. I couldn't even sit or stand properly because I felt so uncomfortable with such a heavy stomach. WELLS at least I'm fine now. So after dinner I watched the TV and checked out Instagram, and in all honesty my high spirits were brought down when I saw and read all my friends' post on their private accounts because so many of them were talking about how unhappy they were. It really makes me sad seeing those people I care about being unhappy because I genuinely believe that they don't deserve to suffer at all, but then again, who are we to say anything? Our lives were already destined before we were born, but I believe we still have the power to make a change and choose happiness for ourselves. I wish they could see how much life could still offer them, and only focus on what truly matters. And before I end, today's quote of the day is:

There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it.

Just like how there must be sadness for us to understand joy, and know what happiness feels like. Just like how there must be bad days in life for us to truly appreciate the good days. Just like how there is death for us to cherish our own existence in this lifetime. 
Count your blessings and be thankful for what you have. Everyday is a lesson and every yesterday is something learnt.

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