DAY THIRTY-TWO #346daysofgratitude


I'm really starting to believe that "Money can buy you happiness" — I've been thinking for awhile now, and I really do think that that statement can be true to a large extent. Let's put aside materialism because I definitely do prefer a simple life and not one that focuses on money, status or whatever. I used to think that if I agree to that statement it would only mean that I am just another materialistic person, but now even when I'm not that kind of person I feel like I do agree to it. So let's put aside materialism.
Life will certainly be a breeze when you're rich or if your parents are (if you're born with a silver spoon, basically). And when I mean a "breeze" I mean you can get all the freedom you want to buy however "simple" things you need, let's say maybe healthy food or like, travel around the world, go backpacking and explore this planet. Travelling is a simple thing, yet it requires a shit ton of money when you want to go to more developed countries. When you're rich you get to do most of the things you want to do, let's say get a car or a bike, go overseas for University, or just simply not study or work at all since you don't have to worry. Even education demands a lump sum of money, and some people can't even go to school because they don't have enough. The dictionary describes a materialistic person as someone who is excessively concerned with physical comforts or the acquisition of wealth and material possessions, rather than with spiritual, intellectual, or cultural values. So, what if you want to get into a University without having to pay hundreds of thousands for your tuition fees? Is that considered materialistic when you want more money to fund your education? I doubt so. 
Sometimes I honestly do wish that I wasn't stuck in this situation in life where I've to worry about such things. I have a future to worry about, and that is something I've completely chose to ignore for awhile now because I'd rather believe that the future doesn't exist because it isn't real or tangible. And that I'd rather live in the present moment, make the best out of everyday and strive in it. But now after realising that everyone's heading to do their degree right after this year in the University next year really makes me feel a little off. It's hard to describe this feeling but I admit that I felt envious of them, for being able to be so financially capable and not having to worry about the things I have to worry about. Even though I'd really love to continue my studies here next year, I can't because I'd have to work my ass off to earn some money for University, so it's just really hard for me and my family. Sometimes I just wished I had both parents to financially support me, at least for my University education. Most parents do help their children save up for University, and it just sucks knowing that life is just going to be tougher each year as I grow older. It's going to be even more difficult with growing responsibilities and knowing that I'm a step closer to my future each day. A future that is filled with uncertainty and doubt. 

But now, I really do understand the pain of a parent to work their ass off for their child, and the pain of the child to have to worry about his or her future, and the pain of being not wealthy. 

Sometimes I wish that my family was richer, so that I wouldn't have to face such a empty future. But then again, sometimes I don't wish so. Because if I had the chance to and had the capability to do something that I'm now not able to, would I be who I am today? Would I be someone who can fully understand the struggles and hardships that come along in such a situation? Would I have learnt?
Life is just full of lessons, and every single day is something worth learning. I might not have the best life, I may not have a smooth-sailing life, I may not have the privilege to not worry about the impending future and I may not have everything I want. 
But I might have become the person I'd want and wish for, if I had a better life instead. Life sure is tough as hell, and it's full of struggles but I choose to believe that the more struggles you face, the more you grow and the more you learn. So why not just grit your teeth, live in the moment and get over it. Get over yourself, get over those times you wallow yourself in self-pity, envy, anger and jealously because those feelings are toxic in your life. Get rid of all of them, because you have nothing to fear. 
So what if you've a not-so-good life and a life that SUCKS? Move on, because everyone's lives will suck at any one point of time in their life, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you aren't strong enough to overcome it, it wouldn't even be in your life in the first place. So in your struggles keep in mind and remember that you're stronger than your struggle, and in time this too shall pass. If the going gets tough, the tough who is YOU, gets going. 

"Envy is the art of counting another's blessing instead of your own." Let's not all be silly by blowing someone else's candle just to have a glowing one by ourselves, because that's not going to make yours or mine shine any brighter. 
This life is tough as heck, but I'm loving every bit of it because it teaches me, every day, and because I believe I'm just going to be a stronger person after each passing phase.


Just some thought process going on last night because of what I felt during the day, and in all honesty it was hard to sleep when I felt so indignant because I couldn't get what I wanted (yes my bike) so I turned to writing and it definitely helped me in venting my feelings out. But I'd just oblige anyway since I don't have the choice not to, and I wouldn't deny that I feel trapped in this restriction. One of the worst feelings is to be tied down and be denied of absolute freedom, especially when I am someone who loves freedom so much. So I'm just going to wait for this to pass, and get my bike as I can next time. On top of that, because I've talked to so many people in their hostel and heard them discuss about their future plans, and because I seem to be the only one who can't stay to continue my degree immediately after this year, I felt so inadequate. But after thinking it through and writing it down, I was really calmed down and now I'm contented with what I have, so I'm grateful nonetheless.

So guess what, I woke up LATE today. Like almost late for school, and I almost missed the bus too lol. I set two alarms yesterday before I slept, and one was at 6:00 and the other was at 6:45. 6:00 because they said they wanted to run, so I thought of just trying my luck and see if I really can wake up by 6 lol, and 6:45 for plan B if I don't manage to wake up on time, so I'd wake up for breakfast instead. And guess what, because I was too tired when the alarm woke me up at 6, I got up to switch the alarm off and unintentionally switched the 6:45 one off because I barely even looked at my phone. I literally jumped out of my bed at 7:50, and man it was so scary because every single time I fall back asleep after my first rise I would sleep 'consciously', in a sense that I'd unconsciously know how long more I've slept for after going back to sleep again hahah. Weird I know, but this helped me to get out of bed this morning, and so I was running to and fro the toilet to wash up and prepare for school. I had to wash up, get changed, pack my bag, wash my tupperware and prepare my own breakfast and lunch in the kitchen all in less than thirty minutes. And I made it, and in fact I was five minutes earlier than the bus time heheh.

Today was another school day for all of us and a busier one supposedly, since we have two orientation lectures to attend in the day. We had the FSP orientation in the morning and the professors gave us more briefings, showed us where our usual classrooms would be at in the old medical school building and announced the names of the students who needed to make changes to their subjects because of clashing timetables. And my timetable didn't clash so, PHEW. They also told us to get some textbooks so Fathin and I went to the bookstore to get some, and I got my math textbook and an English textbook for almost $200, man they are so EXPENSIVE. I haven't even gotten myself the Chemistry and Psychology textbook, and I believe they are going to cost at least another two hundred bucks, so guys if you are coming to UTAS for foundation next year and if you're going to take my subjects PLEASE come to me and buy my books, or if you know someone who's coming to UTAS to do foundation please let them know too hahah.
Our first lecture ended at 11:30, and the next international orientation was at 3:00, so we basically did nothing at all but just CHILL at the University. At the second lecture we were divided into our first groups by the colour on our tags and were taught about some school information, and so when we got back at the initial venue we were divided again into our second groups by the number on our tags. I managed to talk to Jayanne (can't spell hahah) for quite a bit, and got to know some other international students, and there was this Singaporean guy in my group too heheh. He said he knew I was one the moment I started talking lol, probably because of my horrible Singlish or Singaporean accent hahah. I've seen quite a number of Singaporeans here in UTAS already, and there's way more Asians than I've expected in UTAS so it doesn't feel like a foreign place or city at all.

There was a free welcome dinner for every new student at UTAS today, and almost everyone I knew went but I didn't go because I didn't feel like it, and meh socialising is just not my thing hahah. So I took the metro with Fathin and other girls from my hostel, and got back home only 40 minutes later. After I got back I got changed, then did the laundry and used the washing machine for the first time today lol, so I was crossing my fingers and hoping that everything would turn out fine. Then it was time for dinner, and everyone had fish & chips while I had the veggie patties I had yesterday with shit tons of fries. What an UNHEALTHY dinner, and man I seriously hate eating deep-fried food because they are so detrimental to my health. But well, I finished all of it anyway and had a second veggie patty because I seriously love it heheh. After I was done with dinner I popped into my room to have bread because I totally missed CARBS for dinner.

I played pool with some of them for a bit and chilled in the pool room for a while before heading out with Fathin, and we went to the Discount Chemist to get some moisturisers. My legs have been so DRY ever since I came to Tassie, probably because my skin is not used to cold weathers hahah. We basically just walked, talked and laughed loads to and fro, and then when I got back I went to the gym with Wen, David and Tommy. I just did nothing and literally sat there and watched them train, and I'm now seriously scared of Wen after watching how intense and crazy violent he can get with the punching bags lol. And since I was doing nothing I rooted for Tommy while he lifted hahah. Now I'm back in my room and so ready to pass out..............yay to a weekend tomorrow. :)

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